This $2,400 eight-wheeled dump truck from China is the toy every man needs

There’s something about the joy of playing around with Tonka trucks in a sandbox that men really never grow out of. Sure, we grow up, get real jobs, and most of us never take the toys back out of the dusty, long-forgotten box. But the desire is still there. And if you gave just about any former boy and reluctant adult the option, I’d be dollars to donuts they’d gladly play around with the life-sized version of their childhood construction toys in a heartbeat.

If that sounds like fun, then I’ve got good news for you. I just found the coolest grown-up toy construction vehicle and it’s unlike anything you’ve seen before. I’d argue that it slots in nicely as a perfect example of some of the coolest and weirdest things you can find from China’s endless supply of innovative EVs. So, for your viewing pleasure, I submit this week’s Awesomely Weird Alibaba Electric Vehicle of the Week: the Octo-dumper!

I really don’t know how to describe this vehicle. I’ve been at a loss for words before in this column, but at least there’s usually a general class of vehicle that these things fit into.

In this case, I’m hesitant to call it a dump truck – partly because it appears to be all dump and no truck.

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It’s remote-controlled, so you could call it an RC vehicle, but the fact that I’ve seen cars smaller than this rig makes me hesitant to lump it in with the remote-controlled toys.

Then there’s the 8×8 setup here. The last time I saw an eight-wheeled vehicle like this was, ironically, it was a mobile crane that was unloading one of my containers full of fun Alibaba construction equipment. Wow, I didn’t expect to come full circle there so quickly.

But despite being unable to quite classify this dumper, I still love everything about it, and I kind of want one.

Measuring around six feet long (197 cm), it seems capable of carrying a fairly large load. They rate it for 2,200 lb (1,000 kg) of cargo, and it looks every bit ready for it.

The top speed of 9 mph (15 km/h) might not hold up when fully laden, but this isn’t exactly a vehicle built for speed. Or comfort, for that matter. It’s built for by-god gettin’ stuff done! And with a claimed 5.4 kWh of battery capacity, it’s going to be quietly hauling your junk around for a good long time before it needs a recharge.

The cargo bed appears to have the classic pickup truck tailgate in the rear, though it also adds a pair of side gates like an old Corvair 95 Rampside pickup, except that the side gates run the full length. Finally, the front also has a tailgate–err, frontgate? Basically, it’s gates all around to turn this thing into a rolling flatbed capable of carrying just about any oversized junk you can think of!

Just don’t start tipping it up while you’ve got all those gates down or you might lose your load. That’s right, don’t forget that this is also a dumper! Not just a transporter around a job site, you can unload your dirt, mulch, gravel, friends, or whatever you carry in here with the push of a button.

Now I’m not exactly sure what I’d do with one of these if I owned one, but I’m sure I could find plenty of uses. You never realize what you can do with an octo-dumper until you own one, and then it’s suddenly like, “How did I ever manage without this thing!?”

Now it will set you back more than a Tonka truck. But I’d argue that the sticker price of $2,482 is a small price to pay in order to have the coolest vehicle in the neighborhood! Just try not to think yet about the thousands and thousands of dollars in fees, import charges, shipping, and other expenses of actually receiving one of these in the West. Instead, think of the fun hayrides you could give the neighborhood kids, at least assuming their parents signed the extensive liability waiver that this thing would probably require.

Speaking of liability though, before any of you get the bright idea to try one of these, please be warned that I’m telling you that’s a bad idea. As I always try to remind my readers during these fun tongue-in-cheek Alibaba articles: don’t actually try to buy one of these things. Seriously. These wild-looking Chinese EVs may be fun to look at, but this is just a lighthearted weekend column where I dig through Alibaba’s bizarre and fascinating collection of electric vehicles. While I’ve had a few successful (and fun) purchases from the site, I’ve also been burned more than once – so it’s definitely not for the faint of heart or anyone on a tight budget.

That’s not to say some brave (or stubborn) readers haven’t taken the plunge anyway, ignoring my caution and venturing into the unknown. But please don’t be the one who gambles and ends up with empty hands and a lighter wallet. Consider this your official heads-up – I’ve warned you!

For now, let’s enjoy how awesome it is that something like this octo-dumper exists, and leave it at that. Until next time, and until the next weird Alibaba EV, this is Micah signing off.